Everyday I get questions about the kids. All four of them. People want to know how Zack is doing, and people ask me about how the girls are doing in school. Most are surprised by the answers that I give them, if they don't know what's going on with any of the kids. Those people are the ones who are not around enough to really know. So I'm going to put it all out there! Damn the torpedoes, the criticism and what ever else there may be that comes my way!
First of all, the girls: In case you didn't know, they are not going to school per say, but they are being schooled. Months ago, Amy and I made a huge decision to home school the girls and quite frankly, we feel it was the best decision we ever made. Now as you can imagine, this was not the most popular decision that we have ever made, but it was ultimately ours to make. Why did we make this decision? Well for those of you who didn't know, Hope has been diagnosed with Asperger's Autism, ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. She was diagnosed with these disorders while going to Kindergarten at Lincoln Elementary. We had battled the school all year long to get Hope the help that she needed so that she would not fall behind in school. They, of coarse, fought us tooth and nail over this. They brought in their own team of Specialists who basically had the nerve to tell us that Hope's doctor was wrong, and that she was doing fine in school. So the many hours that our doctor had put in diagnosing Hope were all for nothing because the school said so. Well, you'd have to be blind not to know that Hope was falling behind due to all of this. And it doesn't take an idiot to figure out that she is a little different than your average kid. Bottom line though, Hope had gotten to a point where she was being picked on by the normal kids and she wouldn't want to go to school. She had a very long bout with Constipation because of all of this as well. Not to mention other issues once she had come home from school.
First of all, the girls: In case you didn't know, they are not going to school per say, but they are being schooled. Months ago, Amy and I made a huge decision to home school the girls and quite frankly, we feel it was the best decision we ever made. Now as you can imagine, this was not the most popular decision that we have ever made, but it was ultimately ours to make. Why did we make this decision? Well for those of you who didn't know, Hope has been diagnosed with Asperger's Autism, ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. She was diagnosed with these disorders while going to Kindergarten at Lincoln Elementary. We had battled the school all year long to get Hope the help that she needed so that she would not fall behind in school. They, of coarse, fought us tooth and nail over this. They brought in their own team of Specialists who basically had the nerve to tell us that Hope's doctor was wrong, and that she was doing fine in school. So the many hours that our doctor had put in diagnosing Hope were all for nothing because the school said so. Well, you'd have to be blind not to know that Hope was falling behind due to all of this. And it doesn't take an idiot to figure out that she is a little different than your average kid. Bottom line though, Hope had gotten to a point where she was being picked on by the normal kids and she wouldn't want to go to school. She had a very long bout with Constipation because of all of this as well. Not to mention other issues once she had come home from school.
Hope was not the only one being affected by school life either. Faith was even having problems. Not with her learning, but with Bullying. Faith is awesome academically. She is very intelligent and she has no problem showing you that she is. But this wasn't the reason she was being Bullied though. It seems that these days, even in Kindergarten, where you shop for your clothing makes a big difference in who will be your friend. In freakin' Kindergarten!!!! The other girls would tell her to quit shopping at Wal-mart and that she was not pretty enough to wear half of the clothes she did wear to school. In freakin' Kindergarten!!! As if this wasn't enough, she was being beat up almost every other day by another boy in her class, who also has problems himself. She would come home with bruises on her from this boy! Charity even was victimized by this boy! He cut almost two inches off of her hair! And she too would come home with bruises from this boy! We had filed a complaint to the Principal about this boy, but they did nothing. All told, there were almost 20 incidents with this same boy and our girls alone! So much for the "Zero Tolerance" policy!! There was never anything done about any of these incidents! And other parents were having the same issues with this same boy, and still nothing was being done about it! It had become apparent to us that Public School was no longer a safe place for our girls, if the rules set into place to protect them, and the other kids as well, were never followed and consequences never given out. All of this, plus the constant fight to get Hope the help that she needed were the final nails in the coffin for sending our girls back to the Public School system. It clearly was not working. Yes, there were other options, but way to expensive to even consider. So, Home Schooling won out at every corner. How's it going? I am happy to report that things are good at all ends! There is a lot less stress for Amy and the girls and I come home to four very happy women for a change! Oh, and in answer to those of you who are worried that my girls aren't being well socialized this way... I beg to differ! They go to a church group twice a month, they go to a Tumbling class once a week, they are involved with Cheer leading, Soccer and soon to be Basketball! With all of this, they have many, many friends that constantly are calling for "Play Dates" with our girls! Socializing is definitely not a problem for them!
Then there is Zack. Zack, as everyone knows, is not without his problems. Zack has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Schizophrenia, ADHD and Asperger's Autism. And before you ask, it is not uncommon for all of these or just a few, to run together in one person. And depending on which way they swing, they can all be very dangerous together, treated or not. Out of all that Zack has, Bipolar and Schizophrenia are the two most dangerous to have together. Bipolar because it causes erratic mood swings, which very often can turn violent, especially in Males, and the Schizophrenia because the subject hears voices in his/her head that tell them to do things, which also can be violent. Lucky for us, Zack has both. You are all probably familiar with the newspaper article Amy and I had been a part of. If you have not, then you may want to read it. It tells the story of us, and other families like us who struggle day to day to get our children the help they need, and what we've had to do to get it. If you have not read the article, then it's high time that you did. Here's the link for it:
http://www.nwitimes.com/article_d8073da8-2609-5bf8-ba2f-1157dce11b66.html
Now, I do know what your thinking. Those of you whom have met my son before, your thinking that this poor kid could never hurt anyone. That he has always been a great kid. True, he is a great kid, when he is under control and can keep himself that way for a period of time. But it's the periods when he can't that put not only himself in danger, but others around him as well. When Zack was still at home, he would exhibit violent behavior at school. It had gotten worse when he reached the age of 15. He was stealing, picking fights, and yes, even at home he had gone after Amy a few times where I had to step in. If I had not been there, there's no telling what he might have done to her, or his sisters had one of them made him mad. The problem with Zack's anger is that it goes from zero to 100 very quickly and back down again just as fast. Does he realize what's happening when it happens. Yes. Is he capable of stopping himself? No. Zack has continually rejected anything they have taught him to keep himself under control. Since he has been in residential care, he has continually refused to take his medication, does not want to try new ones and has been continually violent and verbally abusive to all around him. Since his stay at his current facility, Zack has broken two windows, broken a door, ripped a rail off of a set of Bleachers and tossed it back into the Bleachers where people were sitting and physically attacked staff members there and fellow peers. Zack's most recent attack, which took place last week, was with a fellow peer, whom he claims would not keep his mouth shut. So Zack picked up a metal chair and hit the kid in the head with it. He could have killed this kid. After speaking to Zack about the incident, it was clear that he had no remorse for what he had done. In his mind, it was clearly justified because he felt this other kid had no right to speak. Now you can judge me all you want about doing what I did with Zack, but bottom line is this: I don't want him here when he has these episodes! If he had still been living here, and he had attacked Amy and/or his sisters in this way and seriously injured or killed any of them because they were just annoying him in some way, I will guarantee you that once I had arrived home from work and discovered what he had done, they would be taking me to jail and everyone would be visiting me there for the rest of my life because of what I would do to him, myself. This is a promise. He is my son, and I love him. That is why he is were he is. He is dangerous to himself and others. One of the Supervisors there at his facility put it best. If Zack was on the outside by himself at a Baseball game, he would hate to be the people around Zack not cheering for Zack's team. Zack does not have the capability to cope with it. And sadly, at this point, I don't feel that he ever will. He doesn't want to. And he will tell you that, himself.
That said, DCS is now telling us that his frustrations are caused from him being in Residential Care. That he is angry because he can not do things for himself, can't play video games when ever he wants or eat when ever he wants. They are now trying to get him into Independent Living, with someone coming in and checking on him now and then. He is uneducated, they have not succeeded in getting him his GED and it's looking more and more like they wont ever. If he does not have it by the time he ages out of the program there, then I can promise you that he will never get it. I know him. He will tell you all day long that he will do his best to do whatever, but the long and the short of it is that's all it is, just talk. Zack is only happy when he is doing what he wants to do or what he feels like doing at a given moment. And after all of the incidents I've described above, and that certainly isn't everything, we do not feel that he is ready for Independent Living. And at the risk of sounding negative, we do not feel that he ever will be. He has no desire to help himself. He constantly wants people to do things for him so that he doesn't have to. If things do not go his way, look out! Zero to 100 in seconds flat. And what really makes me laugh here is that DCS is telling us that THEY feel that his frustrations are caused from Residential Care. Oh, okay, so all of the documentation that we have collected over the years about his aggression is just crap, the people at DCS and his CASA are qualified Therapists and Psychologists and Amy and I have just imagined the last few years living with a child that was basically a ticking Time Bomb from the word go. Gee, that's good to know! So now that you have all told us that there are no Adult Facilities for him to go to, without thoroughly checking around and are all big on the idea of tossing him right into Independent Living with out an adequate education or life training skills, what happens from here. I'll tell you what happens from here. Zack will at one point or another, end up in the Judicial system, where he really doesn't need to be, and will spend time in jail. IF he doesn't end up dead first! I realize these are worst case scenarios for most people reading this, but we know our Son. We can already see what's going to happen before it happens. Zack has yet to prove us wrong. If I was not married with three other children in the house, I would probably take him back in myself. But since that is not the case, there is no way we can bring him back into our home with his aggression levels as high as they are along with his violent tendencies.
To be honest, every night I go to bed praying that they invent some sort of "Magic Pill" to help cure both Zack and Hope so that they don't have to go through what they have to go through because of their disorders. As frustrating as it is for us, the parents to sit here and watch our children go through these terrible disorders, it has to be twice as frustrating for them. I wrote this blog not because I wanted sympathy for our family, but to give everyone a glimpse into the other side of our daily life. To let other families like ours know that they are not alone, and should not feel alone because they have children with Mental Health issues. If you are reading this blog, please, please feel free to share this with people you may know that are going through this. And by all means, comment here to share your stories. Sharing your story, believe it or not, helps immensely. Just knowing that there are other families out there like you should make you feel a little better. You are not alone. There are more of us out there than you realize. There are more of us out there than the world realizes. And the only way they are going to take notice of us is if we use our voices and speak out, scream that we are here and that the world needs to do right by families who have children with Mental Health issues. Stop sweeping them under the rug like they do not exist. Create organizations out there especially for families like ours were they can go for help, or services if they need them. On average, for a child to stay in a Residential Care facility, it costs $200 to $300 a day. That's over $90,000 a year! Most insurances wont cover it, and those that do, only cover it for a limited amount of time. These families can not do this on their own because of the cost alone. More than likely, they have more children in their families than just the one with Mental Health issues. You have to be able to support your family, and still seek help for your child with Mental Health issues. But the cost is not affordable. For a child to get into a Residential Care facility, they have to be recommended by a judge. Which means that the child would have to already be in trouble with the law. Or, a hospital that has observed your child for a 72 hour evaluation period, more than a few times. In my opinion, it should only take once. Tonight, I will go to bed and pray that they find that "Magic Pill" for all of our children with Mental Health issues and disorders so that they all will be able to find peace within themselves. God Bless to all of those going through these problems. Thank you for reading.
That said, DCS is now telling us that his frustrations are caused from him being in Residential Care. That he is angry because he can not do things for himself, can't play video games when ever he wants or eat when ever he wants. They are now trying to get him into Independent Living, with someone coming in and checking on him now and then. He is uneducated, they have not succeeded in getting him his GED and it's looking more and more like they wont ever. If he does not have it by the time he ages out of the program there, then I can promise you that he will never get it. I know him. He will tell you all day long that he will do his best to do whatever, but the long and the short of it is that's all it is, just talk. Zack is only happy when he is doing what he wants to do or what he feels like doing at a given moment. And after all of the incidents I've described above, and that certainly isn't everything, we do not feel that he is ready for Independent Living. And at the risk of sounding negative, we do not feel that he ever will be. He has no desire to help himself. He constantly wants people to do things for him so that he doesn't have to. If things do not go his way, look out! Zero to 100 in seconds flat. And what really makes me laugh here is that DCS is telling us that THEY feel that his frustrations are caused from Residential Care. Oh, okay, so all of the documentation that we have collected over the years about his aggression is just crap, the people at DCS and his CASA are qualified Therapists and Psychologists and Amy and I have just imagined the last few years living with a child that was basically a ticking Time Bomb from the word go. Gee, that's good to know! So now that you have all told us that there are no Adult Facilities for him to go to, without thoroughly checking around and are all big on the idea of tossing him right into Independent Living with out an adequate education or life training skills, what happens from here. I'll tell you what happens from here. Zack will at one point or another, end up in the Judicial system, where he really doesn't need to be, and will spend time in jail. IF he doesn't end up dead first! I realize these are worst case scenarios for most people reading this, but we know our Son. We can already see what's going to happen before it happens. Zack has yet to prove us wrong. If I was not married with three other children in the house, I would probably take him back in myself. But since that is not the case, there is no way we can bring him back into our home with his aggression levels as high as they are along with his violent tendencies.
To be honest, every night I go to bed praying that they invent some sort of "Magic Pill" to help cure both Zack and Hope so that they don't have to go through what they have to go through because of their disorders. As frustrating as it is for us, the parents to sit here and watch our children go through these terrible disorders, it has to be twice as frustrating for them. I wrote this blog not because I wanted sympathy for our family, but to give everyone a glimpse into the other side of our daily life. To let other families like ours know that they are not alone, and should not feel alone because they have children with Mental Health issues. If you are reading this blog, please, please feel free to share this with people you may know that are going through this. And by all means, comment here to share your stories. Sharing your story, believe it or not, helps immensely. Just knowing that there are other families out there like you should make you feel a little better. You are not alone. There are more of us out there than you realize. There are more of us out there than the world realizes. And the only way they are going to take notice of us is if we use our voices and speak out, scream that we are here and that the world needs to do right by families who have children with Mental Health issues. Stop sweeping them under the rug like they do not exist. Create organizations out there especially for families like ours were they can go for help, or services if they need them. On average, for a child to stay in a Residential Care facility, it costs $200 to $300 a day. That's over $90,000 a year! Most insurances wont cover it, and those that do, only cover it for a limited amount of time. These families can not do this on their own because of the cost alone. More than likely, they have more children in their families than just the one with Mental Health issues. You have to be able to support your family, and still seek help for your child with Mental Health issues. But the cost is not affordable. For a child to get into a Residential Care facility, they have to be recommended by a judge. Which means that the child would have to already be in trouble with the law. Or, a hospital that has observed your child for a 72 hour evaluation period, more than a few times. In my opinion, it should only take once. Tonight, I will go to bed and pray that they find that "Magic Pill" for all of our children with Mental Health issues and disorders so that they all will be able to find peace within themselves. God Bless to all of those going through these problems. Thank you for reading.
